The Ascent



 The Ascent


Anodos (Ancient Greek: ἄνοδος) is a term meaning either 'ascent, way up' (from Ancient Greek ἀνά 'upwards, up' and ὁδός 'the way') or 'pathless, having no road, impassable' (from Ancient Greek ἀν- 'not' and ὁδός 'way, path, road, journey'). 

-Wikipedia


In the Eleusinian Mysteries it is the third and final phase of sacred rites.



Grief is peculiar. Some are able to navigate it easier then others, or so they say. To me it’s not that simple, because to me it’s an impossible stretch of hallway with doorways to the past that seem to creak open as you pass each one. 


2025 has been an emotional test to my mental state. Without trying to go to deep into it, a person I loved passed away. An important patriarch in a large and loud Italian family. As I write this, a month or so has passed since then. Still fresh, still at the edges of every thought. Still waiting to gather, eat, and mourn as one. Soon following this, I lost one of my best pals that was 16 years old after making a decision no dog parent should.  No more pitter patters throughout the night, this was the final give in the damn’s wall. Devastated and flooded. 


Having to navigate this sober has been a boxing match inside my brain the whole time. How do you not just escape for a couple of hours to feel a head change and a warmer feeling? I have never done it before. It’s terrifying. It proves your vulnerability as a human being. After being in a fog for about a week or two, I was okay to go in public, put a fake smile on again. None of the people dearest to me that have passed would want me to sulk. I come from a family of warriors, I would face everything bravely with my head held high. 


I need to hit people (legally calm down) again. I needed to skate as fast as I could so I couldn’t have any thoughts left. I needed to breathe in the cold air as I crossover on the ice again, feel the burning in my chest. The pain can be the only thing you feel for a while, am I right? Some will say that it’s not healthy and you should process that grief through talking with a counselor or therapist. Honestly, they’re probably right. I don’t think it’s the right way for me though. I’ll work my way through it. Sorry for rambling, writing helps though. 


In other news, I have my own seminar for Rollercon this year so there’s something to look forward to (I think if the scheduling is completed). I’ll post more about that when it’s confirmed again. No it has nothing to do with mental health, or hockey. I promise. I've also been thinking about asking someone to do an interview, just trying not to chicken out about it as I navigate the impassable road.

                                     Climb the mountain,

Xoxo Zeppelin

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